I might've deceived myself into taking an easier route again... I most certainly have... I'm going to Vorone`z. While it seems like at least a little consuming thing, I think I actually chose it because I'm still feeling weak. Both physically and mentally.
And also, there's this pretty sane fellow (
listened to all this mine "I'd rather do unimportant
things that matter to some particular person
than things important to me but not anyone else particular"
and replied immediately: "but that's how procrastination works!
you do something that is easy for you and that someone else can't do,
you get satisfaction by both helping someone and by proving superior"
What I didn't like about it is how it sounded almost like the truth.
There was today this other thing too...
About relationships, associations, you name it.
I heard from a different person (
Person2, not myself; pretty sure of existence)
that reasoning that I used to attribute to myself:
...and see, that's my problem: she'd want to watch some TV series or whatever, and I'd then like: "Ugh, what? What for? I mean, what's the use? Look, I'm doing (some technical stuff) right now, you may join if you want to. Nah? Well, sorry"
Now, that's still me. What struck me, is that I had... recently encountered one more... person whose attitude, I believe, is the same up to an isomorphism. And I suddenly wanted to do all these stupid things with that person. Like watching damn series. I actually wanted to try and see if I'm capable of being a human. If I'm capable of enjoying a human life.
I have, of course, ruined it before I could learn the answer, but that's hardly the point.
I did want to have and posses effects of normal person's traits.
But then, am I of the same kind as
Person1 and the kind that I used to belong to,
or am I, after all, a normal person? Perhaps we all are? Frightened common persons
P.S. I hate markdown so much... Why can't we just have \LaTeX? I want
\'c for accentrics,
I don't want fancy keyboards and I do not want to remember numbers -- that's stupid.